u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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