Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
