I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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