My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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