It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
