I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
