You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
