If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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