OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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