Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
