i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
