She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
