so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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