I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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