I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
