Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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