Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
