Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
