Screwed.edu
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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