It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
