My hair reeks of homosexuality.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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