so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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