i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
