also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
