I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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