If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
