I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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