do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
