And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
