i think my tv is drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
