Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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