After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
