Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
