Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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