Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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