I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
