You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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