I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
