i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
