While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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