I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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