hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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