i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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