I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
