Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
