I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
