we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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