She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
