If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
