I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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